cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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