Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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