Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
