its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
