i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
