Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
