Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize