WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
