I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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