so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
