do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
