Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
