Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
