I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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