i was rollin on her like bob the builder
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
