I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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