i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
