There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
