is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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