I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
