The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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