he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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