I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
