he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
