i wish starbucks made bloody marys
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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