I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
