I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Randomize
