It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
