Too much gin, very little bucket
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
