The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
