Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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