I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
All I want is dick and wine.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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