Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
