so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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