saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
