New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
