Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
