College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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