don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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