roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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