your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Randomize
