absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
