so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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