I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize