you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
