Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
