I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
