He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
