and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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