Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
