I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
