it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
