What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
