Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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