Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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