I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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