I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
