The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
