lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
