The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
