How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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