Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
