I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
