i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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