I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
