The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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