I'm jealous of your bromance
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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