New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
