On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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