It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
