Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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