I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I think your dad took our porno
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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