We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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