youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
